Friday, February 6, 2009

You are invited!

One of the difficulties with any wedding is the guest list. Anyone who has planned a wedding is familiar with the never-ending questions: Do we have to invite her? If we invite him, then do we have to invite them? Aren't so-and-so's feelings going to be hurt if they're not invited? Now add to that 3100 miles, many expenses, and vacation time. It is definitely not easy to put together the guest list of a destination wedding.

There are those you really want there, but can't afford it, are too fragile, can't take the time off work, etc. Then, there are those that want to come desperately, but don't make the list. I actually had someone argue with me about coming. Somehow she got the impression that "she was like family" to me. How awkward was that moment. It went something like this:

Her: So, when is the date?

Me: January 8th, 2010.

Her: Oh, great! That gives me plenty of time to save my money!

Me: Uh, well... ummm... it's just going to be an intimate wedding. We're just going to invite family and really close friends. We can only invite about 50 people, so its tough.

Her: Well, since I'm like family, I'll make the list. I can't wait!

Me: Well, uhhh, okay. Yeah, we just don't have a lot of room. I mean, we really are only inviting those people we see a lot (desperately grasping for straws at this point.. growing frustrated... completely uncomfortable... AWKWARD) and people we've known for a long time. I have a large family and I need/want to invite them. It leaves me with only about 5-10 places for friends.

Her: (Still not getting it.) That's too bad you'll only be able to invite that many people, at least I'll make the list!

(Was she serious???!!!?? I think so... )

It only took about 5 more minutes before I just had to tell her she wasn't going to be invited. It was probably one of the most awkward situations ever. Frank, who is usually on his toes, was even speechless and watched me break (not intentionally) probably every rule in the Book of Etiquette. I tried to handle it with grace, and be polite. Somehow she just didn't let me, so I swam to my death and was just honest. I didn't see a reason to lie to someone and give them false ideas. Honestly, I really don't know this person. Yes, she's a very nice person, but there are probably 50 non-family members I would invite ahead of her, even 100 wouldn't be stretching it. I just really don't know her like that. Frank says I have a way of making people feel like they are more important to me than they are. That sounds terrible, I know, but I think what he means by that is I let people walk all over me and take advantage of me, so they like me. It's the people I don't allow to walk all over me, people I CAN voice my opinions to, people I can say "no" to that mean the most. If I truly care about you, I've probably yelled at you at some point. I'm not fake to people I don't care deeply about, I'm just very uncomfortable.

So, back to the original topic at hand... the guest list. I am so excited about technology today, because our videographer is going to do a live web broadcast of our wedding! So I know, everyone won't be there for the cake and dancing, but that's not REALLY the important part. Everyone we know can be a part of our "I dos." by just getting on their computer!


vento1947 said...

Any GOOD friend would understand so don't worry about this, love AJ

Caroline said...

You handled that incredibly gracefully. That must have been so awkward!! Kind of tacky that she kept forcing the topic....

Brandy said...

Even though it felt horrid you did it incredibly gracefully! I'm exactly like you and would have been on the verge of tears telling someone No your not on the list!
Good Job! Stick to your guns!

Caitlin said...

I am in the same situation - except I made the mistake of including people on the facebook event request that I didn't think would actually say they were coming... so now I am in a pickle. Can you uninvite people?

Once A Bride said...

oooh. ouch. you did the best you could. i can't believe that person didn't get the hint. shame on them.

Adrienne said...

OH that is a really tough situation. I think you handled it well though, no one wants to be in that spot! I can't believe she just wasn't getting it!!

Jessica said...

awkward! i have a friend like that...except i'm pretty sure she thinks she is a bridesmaid! That will be an awkward conversation...

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